My Mini Breakthrough Last Weekend

I attended a Learning and the Brain conference last weekend.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Learning and the Brain, they are an organization who focuses on the connection between neuroscience and education.  This was my second L&B conference and they've both been outstanding.  Basically, the presenters at these conferences are people with a lot more letters after their name than I have.  In other words, they're super smart, and they have a lot of super smart research to back up what they say.

Now, I think of myself as a smart person, but compared to some of these guys, I feel stupid.  So when presented with an opportunity to actually talk to one of them, it's very intimidating.  You want to appear smart and like you belong on their level, but without forcing the conversation.  It's tough.  And for someone like me, who struggles with normal everyday conversations, it's even tougher.

I struggle immensely starting conversations with people I don't know.  It makes me very uncomfortable.  Often, it takes me 10-15 minutes to work up the courage to actually start conversations.  And most of the time, by that point, the moment has passed and the opportunity to have the conversation is over.

Back to the conference.  I attended a breakout session that I really enjoyed and the presenter was available to talk afterwards.  As usual, it took me what seemed like forever to actually work up the gumption to go talk to her.  I had questions, but I couldn't figure out how to ask them.  I didn't want to sound stupid.  And I didn't want to appear nervous either.  So I finally worked up enough courage to talk to her, and I failed miserably.  I stuttered and tripped over my words, my question came out wrong, and I was sweating like crazy.  I got real down on myself afterwards because I put a lot of pressure on myself in those situations.  Plus, I really want to feel like I belong in that circle.

Well, the next day I was given another opportunity.  One of the keynote speakers that morning, whose presentation I really enjoyed, was sitting in the hallway working on his computer.  One of my coworkers pointed him out and I saw this as my second chance.  Plus I had a question I really wanted to ask him.  I didn't give myself a chance to hem and haw and talk myself out of it.  I just went up to him and asked the question.  He was really nice and very receptive to talking to me.  I walked away from that conversation feeling the complete opposite of how I did the day before.  It was a good feeling.

So I had two interactions, one good, one bad.  But what stood out most to me was that I had TWO interactions.  That was my breakthrough.  I got past my own insecurities to approach and talk to two different people who I didn't know.  That may not sound like a big deal to many of you, but it is huge to me.  Whether or not I can transfer that to more social situations still remains to be seen, but it is still a mini breakthrough in my book.