I hear dead people, or UFOs, or strange sounds that my house makes at night

I typically fall asleep while watching TV.  I know they say you're not supposed to do that, but that's beside the point.  I set the sleep timer so the TV doesn't stay on all night and wake me up later.  Well last night I had a hard time falling asleep and the TV turned off before I fell asleep.  So I was laying in bed in complete silence.  And that's when I heard it.  What is it, you ask?  I have no idea!  My first thought was honestly that it was a UFO.  Why did I think it was a UFO?  Well, it sounded like UFOs sound in movies.  Then I realized that we don't really know what UFOs sound like.  Movie sound engineers just make up sounds based on what plays well in the film.  And we have just accepted that because, well, there's nothing real to base it on (I'm not saying UFOs don't exist, I'm just saying the general public doesn't hear them on a regular basis to know what they sound like.).  So whatever was making the sound in my house could have been the inspiration for some movie sound effects guy, and he just recorded that and put it in the movie.

Now, remember, all of this was going through my head as I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep.  So once I got past the UFO discussion with myself, I got a little Sixth Sense inspiration and whispered to myself, "I hear dead people."  I'm not gonna lie, that scared me a little.  So then I just decided that my house makes these sounds regularly, but I just don't hear them because I have the TV on.  What if the house was trying to tell me something?  I should probably listen to him more often.  How many of you listen to your house?  And now this post has officially jumped the shark, so I'll end it with this.  I heard some weird sounds and I don't really know what it was, and now I'm sharing that with you.

Rejection Sucks

The title of this post is pretty self explanatory.  We've all felt that way at some point in our lives, I'm sure.  I've been rejected a lot in my life, and I'm not just talking about the ladies.  Although, that is sort of what instigated this post.  But I've been rejected by friends, family, employers, animals, etc.  And it never really gets any easier to deal with.  In fact, I think it gets harder as you get older.  When you're young, you're more resilient and it's easier to see past the rejection and into the future.  As you get older your sight gets a little blurry.  And I think that's why the rejection I've dealt with over the past couple years hurts so much.  And it's been a lot of rejection, from all directions.  Some of it I didn't see coming, which sucks even more.  But the hardest thing is looking at myself and trying not to think that it was my fault.  When so many people reject you, you can't help but think it's your fault.  And I fully admit that I'm not always the easiest person to get to know or be friends with, but at the same time, I'm pretty awesome.  So all these people that have rejected me are missing out on the chance to get to know an awesome person.  And most of them never even gave me a chance.  That's all I'm asking, give me a chance, because I'm at the point where I'm really starting to second guess where I am and where I'm going in life because I don't see anyone giving me a chance here.  So this is me calling out Arizona and everybody in this state, and saying quit rejecting me and give me a chance.  I'm sure there are 49 other states (well, maybe 48) who would love to have me.  So stop the rejection and start showing some love.  And I'm not just talking about towards me, although I would like to see a little more love heading my way (or rather a lot more love), but think about the messages you send to others as well.  What might seem innocent to you, might be hurtful to others.  Your actions say a lot more than your words, so be aware of what you are actually saying when you act.  I've tried to make a concerted effort to be more aware of my own actions, and while I realize I'm not perfect, nor is anyone else, I wish more people would do the same because some people's actions towards me, whether intentional or not, have been very hurtful lately.  Sorry for the rant, but today kind of sucked and I feel at peace when I write.

My Mini Breakthrough Last Weekend

I attended a Learning and the Brain conference last weekend.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Learning and the Brain, they are an organization who focuses on the connection between neuroscience and education.  This was my second L&B conference and they've both been outstanding.  Basically, the presenters at these conferences are people with a lot more letters after their name than I have.  In other words, they're super smart, and they have a lot of super smart research to back up what they say.

Now, I think of myself as a smart person, but compared to some of these guys, I feel stupid.  So when presented with an opportunity to actually talk to one of them, it's very intimidating.  You want to appear smart and like you belong on their level, but without forcing the conversation.  It's tough.  And for someone like me, who struggles with normal everyday conversations, it's even tougher.

I struggle immensely starting conversations with people I don't know.  It makes me very uncomfortable.  Often, it takes me 10-15 minutes to work up the courage to actually start conversations.  And most of the time, by that point, the moment has passed and the opportunity to have the conversation is over.

Back to the conference.  I attended a breakout session that I really enjoyed and the presenter was available to talk afterwards.  As usual, it took me what seemed like forever to actually work up the gumption to go talk to her.  I had questions, but I couldn't figure out how to ask them.  I didn't want to sound stupid.  And I didn't want to appear nervous either.  So I finally worked up enough courage to talk to her, and I failed miserably.  I stuttered and tripped over my words, my question came out wrong, and I was sweating like crazy.  I got real down on myself afterwards because I put a lot of pressure on myself in those situations.  Plus, I really want to feel like I belong in that circle.

Well, the next day I was given another opportunity.  One of the keynote speakers that morning, whose presentation I really enjoyed, was sitting in the hallway working on his computer.  One of my coworkers pointed him out and I saw this as my second chance.  Plus I had a question I really wanted to ask him.  I didn't give myself a chance to hem and haw and talk myself out of it.  I just went up to him and asked the question.  He was really nice and very receptive to talking to me.  I walked away from that conversation feeling the complete opposite of how I did the day before.  It was a good feeling.

So I had two interactions, one good, one bad.  But what stood out most to me was that I had TWO interactions.  That was my breakthrough.  I got past my own insecurities to approach and talk to two different people who I didn't know.  That may not sound like a big deal to many of you, but it is huge to me.  Whether or not I can transfer that to more social situations still remains to be seen, but it is still a mini breakthrough in my book.

My Brilliant Idea to Revolutionize Hockey

I watched a hockey game today, which is a rarity for me.  It was the USA-Canada Olympic semifinal match, so it was somewhat intriguing.  Four years ago when those two countries played in the Olympics, I watched intently and thought I could really get into hockey.  Turns out I was wrong.  It was just the novelty of watching those two countries battle.  Occasionally, I will watch a Stanley Cup playoff game, but usually only if the Flyers are playing.  Needless to say, I am not a hockey fan.  I don't necessarily dislike it, but I just don't get it.

And one thing I especially don't get is pulling your goalie.  I mean, I understand why it's done, to give your team an extra attacker when trailing to try to tie the game.  But it seems like an unfair advantage to the offense.  So I propose giving the defense a chance to counter.  Here it is, my grand idea:

Allow two goalies!

If one team can pull their goalie to add an extra attacker, the other team should be allowed to pull a defender and add an extra goalie in net.  Imagine how difficult it would be to score then.  And imagine how much better the offensive players would become if they had to learn to score against two goalies.  It's brilliant I tell you!

I realize hockey purists will surely mock this plan, but I'll bet that most of you agree with me.  Hockey needs something to re-energize interest in this country and I think this plan could be the way to go.  I know I would watch more.  Well, maybe not, but I still think it's a good idea.

If Mr. Rogers Met Katy Perry...

This post is a mini trip through my work day today.  First, for those of you who are unfamiliar with "winter" in Arizona, let me just say that the nights can get very cold, dipping into the 30s, with days getting up into the 70s, and lately, the 80s.

So today when I drove to work in the morning it was cold, at least for me, so I wore a jacket and beanie (I have no hair so I have to keep my head warm).  Upon getting to my office, the lobby was quite warm, as was the hallway outside my office.  But then I went into my office and it was its typical ice box self.  I stayed in my jacket for a while, but I had a meeting to go to.  Still being cold and knowing that the meeting spaces in our building are typically cold, I took off my jacket and put on another jacket that is slightly easier to maneuver in while sitting at a desk.  This is the Mr. Rogers portion of the day.  I pretty much do this every day in the winter.

Going to my meeting, it was a little cool at first, but it progressively got warmer as the meeting went on.  Eventually it got to the point where I had to pull up the sleeves on my jacket.  Then I went back to my office, took off the jacket because I was warm and within a few minutes got cold again because, like I said, my office is an ice box.  This is the Katy Perry portion of the day because it's hot and it's cold.  This is also a failed attempt at me trying to be hip and make a reference to something relatively recent.

Anyway, all I kept thinking about all day was if Mr. Rogers met Katy Perry.  And that was the inspiration for this post, which really only talks about my hypothetical self versions interacting during an uneventful day at work.  I hope you're not too disappointed to the point where you stop reading my posts.  Seriously, I'm funny.

My Giver Epiphany

I was given some sad news about a friend today.  This was the second time in the past week that a friend has shared something sad with me.  It really got to me.  For the past few months I've been dealing with my own emotional struggles, but the things I've been dealing with pale in comparison to what my friends are going through.  And I really don't want them to have to go through any of it.  While I was in the shower tonight I started thinking that I wish I could take all my friends' pain and just give to me to deal with.

And as soon as I had that thought I went, "WHOA!"  I turned into the Giver.  For those unfamiliar with the book The Giver, read it.  Seriously, it's a classic.  But it centers around a Utopian community in the future in which one person, The Giver, takes on all the emotions of the people living there.  He has to pass all that on to Jonas, who was selected to be the new Giver.  When he has to take on pain that is when things start to not go well.  I've never really connected to that book like I did tonight.  It was really quite the epiphany.  As much as I want to take my friends' pain away, that doesn't help them grow.  And it doesn't do a whole lot of good for me either.  I can barely deal with my own pain.  So instead I just need to be there to support them and help ease the pain.

As I'm reading over this, I realize that the power of my epiphany doesn't quite have the same effect in writing that it did in my head.  But believe me when I say it was pretty powerful.  And I really felt the need to share.