What defines a Christmas movie?

Every year at this time I get into the debate about what defines a Christmas movie.  I have always said that Die Hard is a Christmas movie, but very few people agree with me.  So let's examine this more closely.

First, for a movie to be considered a Christmas movie, it has to take place during the holiday season.  Die Hard takes place on Christmas Eve.  Check.

Second, many Christmas movies include a staple of the holiday season, Santa Claus.  Die Hard doesn't have an appearance by Saint Nick, but many other holiday classics don't either.  Christmas Vacation has no Santa.  White Christmas, no Santa.  A Christmas Carol, also no Santa.  And those three movies are three of the most popular holiday movies of all time.  So, the inclusion of Santa is not necessary to be considered a Christmas movie.  Therefore, Die Hard is still in the running.

Third, there needs to be classic holiday music of some sort.  Die Hard includes the Christmas classic, "Christmas in Hollis" by Run DMC.  Plus the movie ends with a rendition of "Let it Snow".  Another check for Die Hard as a holiday classic.

Next, most holiday movies teach some sort of lesson or moral or give advice of some sort.  A Christmas Carol teaches to not be so greedy and Scrooge-like.  It's a Wonderful Life shows the importance of each person in the larger world.  Home Alone stresses the importance of family.  Now I know what you're thinking: what lesson could Die Hard possibly teach?  Well first, Die Hard gives the excellent advice that making fists with your toes helps relieve apprehension about flying.  That's good to know.  Second, it shows that being the right guy in the right place at the wrong time can lead to heroism.  Or maybe it's the wrong place at the right time.  Or wrong place at the wrong time.  Oh, you get the point.  The bottom line is that there is a valuable lesson to take away from Die Hard.  Another check for inclusion in the holiday canon.

Finally, Christmas movies always have a happy ending.  What happier ending could there be than a terrorist plummeting to his death from a skyscraper, hostages being saved, and a man and his wife rediscovering their love for one another?  And Die Hard wins again.

So, anyone who argues that Die Hard is not in fact a Christmas movie need only look at the evidence.  And with that I say, "Merry Christmas and Yipee Ki Yay!"

Thoughts on Time Travel

I was watching Terminator: Salvation this weekend and it got me thinking about some time travel issues that might arise as a result of Skynet's mission to kill John Connor.  Basically, Skynet has tried to kill John Connor on multiple occasions during various stages of his life.  In the first Terminator, they actually tried to kill his mother, Sarah, to prevent him from being born.  This led to John sending Kyle Reese back in time to protect his mom, which actually resulted in his conception, since Kyle Reese ended up being his father.  Another result of this original time travel venture was the Terminator that was sent back by Skynet.  At the end of the film, Cyberdine Systems ends up with the Terminator arm and microchip, which leads them to develop the technology that would become Skynet.  Therefore, it is imperative that John Connor of the future be allowed to send Kyle Reese to the past forcing Skynet to send the Terminator after it.  If that doesn't happen then Skynet may never exist.  So the attempts to kill John Connor at later times in his life could in fact be destroying Skynet's entire existence.  Unless of course, the sentiment that was introduced in Terminator 3 was to be believed, that you can't change the future, you can only postpone.  By that theory, Skynet would eventually be created and the discovery of the arm and microchip only hastened that creation.

Or you could subscribe to the Back to the Future theory of alternate futures.  If you remember from Back to the Future II, old Biff went back to the past to give young Biff the Sports Almanac causing an alternate future to be created in which Biff is rich and murders George McFly.  In this alternate future old Biff would not have traveled back to 1955 to give young Biff the almanac creating the question of how this future could ever exist if that event never happens.  The same could be said about Connor sending Reese to the past leading to Skynet's creation.  If Connor is killed before this happens, how does Skynet get created?  But if an alternate future is created with Connor's death after Reese has been sent to the past, then that has already happened.  It's enough to make your head spin.

If you're still confused after reading this, I apologize, but I'm convinced that there is no clear way to explain this.  If anybody else has thoughts, please share.  Until then, be wary of time travel, for you may end up in an alternate future.

Sometimes it's ok to cry

This is actually a post I thought about writing last week after a lunchtime discussion at work, but I'm just getting to it now.  The conversation centered around E.T. and how some of us always cry at the end.  Then we started talking about other movies that make us cry.  Obviously, the men and women were on vastly different spectrums.  So I thought I would post about the movies that always make me cry and give reasons why it's ok.

First, the movie that started the discussion, E.T.  I lose it every time E.T. looks at Elliot at the end, and says, "I'll be right here."  It's so sad because Elliot is losing the best friend he ever had.  But at the same time, E.T. is assuring Elliot that he will always remember E.T.  It is such a powerful scene and one that I think most of us can relate to.  Most of us have had to say goodbye to someone or something we love, so we know how hard that is.  Also, we've all been a kid and have probably been so attached to something that we don't want to let it go.  This scene is the heart of what makes this movie so great, and why I can watch it over and over again and still get emotional at the end.

Next up is Field of Dreams.  I know what you're thinking, "Why the heck would Field of Dreams make you cry?"  Well, at the end of this movie Ray Kinsella meets his dad, as a ghost of course.  Earlier in the movie we hear that Ray regrets the final conversation he had with his dad, and also that he refused to play catch with his dad.  Now he has a chance to make up for it.  And how does he choose to do it?  By asking his dad to play catch, of course.  Any boy who has ever played catch with his dad knows how powerful this moment is.  I can probably speak for the majority of men who most likely want to go play catch with their dad after seeing this movie.  It gets me every time and the tears start flowing.

Third, we have Backdraft.  This one doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but it still gets me every time.  At the end of the movie, during the warehouse fire, Bull (Kurt Russel) is trying to save Axe (Scott Glenn) as they dangle perilously from a rafter.  Axe, who has been responsible for setting the fires throughout the movie, says, "Let me go, Bull."  To this Bull utters, "You go, we go," which is the signature phrase of their firehouse.  This simple phrase shows that Bull cares more about saving Axe's life than punishing him for what he has done.  Ultimately, Axe falls to his death and Bull is rescued by his brother.  I have no life connection to this movie, it just pulls at my heartstrings.

Finally, I present you with Finding Neverland.  For those who might not be aware, this movie is about how J.M. Barrie found the inspiration to write Peter Pan.  Johnny Depp plays Barrie (a little treat for the ladies) who starts spending time with Kate Winslet's character and her family, who become the inspiration for the book, or play.  Throughout the movie we see that she is very sick, and most likely dying.  When the play premieres, she is too ill to attend.  So Barrie brings the play to her and presents a stripped down version in her house so she can see how her children became immortalized.  It is such a sweet moment orchestrated by a person (Barrie) who cares very deeply for her and her family.  I love how Winslet so wonderfully portrays the surprise and delight of seeing the play for the first time.  Bring on the waterworks.

So, as you can see, sometimes it's ok to cry.  I hope you enjoyed my list.  Feel free to share your own in the comments.

Top 10 Obscure Halloween Costumes that I Dream of Pulling Off

As Halloween approaches there is a lot of talk about costumes.  Many people try to come up with creative costumes to show off to their friends.  I'm no different.  I am always thinking of clever costumes that others have most likely never seen before.  Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not.  Past costumes of mine have ranged from Jack Nicholson to Nemo to Flavor Flav (before Flavor of Love).  But there are some costumes that I haven't pulled off yet.  Here is my top ten:

10. Denver, the last dinosaur - a cartoon classic from the late 80s/early 90s, he's your friend and a whole lot more

9. The Great Pumpkin, or Charlie Brown's ghost costume - Since no one actually knows what the Great Pumpkin looks like, that might be hard to pull off, but the Charlie Brown ghost would be easy to pull off.

8. Madame Leota from Disneyland's Haunted Mansion - because I think it would be cool

7. Norm from Cheers, complete with bar and stool; although, most people would say I'm more like Cliff, either one would do

6. Mark Twain - I'm sure it's been done before, but how often have you seen it?

5. Tron - this one is probably less obscure now that the new movie came out, but I still think it would be cool.

4. One of the Gummi Bears, the cartoon version, not the candy - bouncing here and there and everywhere

3. Secret Squirrel - Enough said

2. The DNA guy from Jurassic Park

And, finally, the cream of the crop, the holy grail of Halloween costumes, at least in my opinion.
1. Grape Ape - yes, that's right, Grape Ape is my number one

 As you can tell I'm a big fan of cartoon characters.  They just seem to make great costume ideas.  And I left other classics such as Huckleberry Hound and Quick Draw McGraw off this list.  But hopefully I've inspired you to search for your own obscure costumes for future reference.  Happy Halloween!

55 Word Story

Have you ever tried to write a 55 word story?  It's harder than it may seem.  Here's what I came up with tonight.

The bobble head sat on the shelf nodding silently.  He could see the sailboat on the opposite shelf.  As he went to take his first step to freedom and a life at sea, he was suddenly stopped.  Alas, his legs would not move.  He could only nod.

Yea, I sing in the grocery store. So what?

For those who know me, you know I'm not against busting out in song just about anywhere I go.  And those who have worked camps with me know that sometimes I just make up songs to sing.  It's part of what makes me unique.  And it's how I try to make life more fun.  I realize that I don't have the best singing voice in the world, but that doesn't stop me.  I get songs stuck in my head and the only way for them to get out is for me to sing.  I may be in my car, I may be in the shower, I may be in the grocery store, it doesn't matter.  I'm singing.  Yet, for some reason, people seem to think this is odd behavior.  I get weird looks from people all the time when I sing in public.  Now, I'm not belting out songs at the top of my lungs, mostly it's just softly under my breath (except in my car, of course).  But people seem to find this odd.  Am I bothering them?  Am I ruining their shopping experience with my dulcet tones?  Really I'm just trying to make my experience more enjoyable.  And none of my campers have ever complained about my singing.  Well, they haven't complained a lot.  Perhaps I'm the only one who does this.  Maybe others keep their singing prowess to themselves.  If that's the case, I challenge you all to let loose, have fun, and sing a little throughout the day.  It's fun, trust me.  Don't confine yourselves to karaoke nights.  Let your inner Whitney Houston out.  And if people give you weird looks, just look at them and say, "Try it, it's fun." 

Where did you learn to drive?!

I've been living in Arizona for 12 years now, which means I've had to put up with Arizona drivers for that long.  I learned to drive in California, and I've heard all the complaints about drivers out there.  But, in my mind, those complaints are coming from people who were not properly taught in this state.  I mean, the licenses don't expire for 60 years!  So here are my biggest pet peeves about Arizona drivers.

1. Accelerate through your turns!  It drives me nuts when I'm behind someone who is riding their brakes all the way through a turn.  Or even worse, someone who comes almost to a complete stop before making the turn.  It is proper practice to slowly accelerate as you drive through the turn.  Likewise, you should also accelerate as you enter a freeway, but that doesn't bother me as much.

2. Understand the right of way rules!  When you pull to a four way stop first, you have the right of way!  If another person pulls up ten seconds after you, you don't have to wait for them just because they are to the right.  You got there first!  There's a difference between being polite and being annoying.

3.  Stay out of my blind spot!  Drivers out here seem to have a habit of hanging out in my blind spot as they drive next to me.  Word to the wise, that's not a good place to be.  The other driver can't see you there, that's why it's called a blind spot. 

Those are my top three.  Spread the word.

Stop with all the Mike Stoops hate!

Mike Stoops was fired as head coach of the University of Arizona football team today.  There seems to be a lot of joy over this decision and a lot of hate towards Mike Stoops.  Personally, I don't understand why.  Now, I don't think Stoops was the greatest coach in the world, but I do think he did a lot for the UA program.  Let's have a look at where we were when he arrived in 2004. 

We were coming off of a 2-10 season.  Players were ready to mutiny against Coach Mackovic.  We struggled to fill half the stadium.  Games weren't even being broadcast on local TV.  We hadn't made a bowl game in six seasons.  In other words, the program was in shambles.  Then Stoops came and restored some order.  After a couple rocky seasons he got things rolling in the right direction.  People started coming to games, the team was competitive, and there was some excitement surrounding the program.  In 2008 we made a bowl game for the first time in ten years.  Then we made two more in the years following.  That was only the second time in program history we made three straight bowl games.  Games were selling out.  The tailgates were packed.  Games were being shown on ESPN.  Heck, even College Game Day showed up in 2009!  The program was relevant again.  Then the 2011 season came along and the expectations were high.  Maybe too high.

That seems to be the biggest problems with UA fans.  They expect things that likely can't be delivered.  How can you expect your team to go to the Rose Bowl every year when they have never been?  It's fair to expect our women's softball team to go to the College World Series every year, and our men's basketball team to go to the NCAA tournament.  But Stoops was never able to deliver a Rose Bowl so he must be a failure.  Right?  Well, I don't believe that.  He did a good job for a program that is not a national powerhouse.  And I think we should recognize Stoops for what he did do for the program instead of focusing on what he didn't do.  It's only fair to him, his players, and his coaches. 

Will the next coach have any more success than Stoops did?  I don't know, but I do think we should temper our expectations.  Let's focus on making bowl games every year, and, hopefully, a Rose Bowl will come one day.  For now, Coach Kish takes over and I couldn't be happier for him.  I've been lucky enough to get to know Coach Kish over the last eight years and I can honestly say he is one of the nicest people I have ever met.  His family is absolutely wonderful and I know this is an exciting time for all of them.  I know that he will be successful and represent the program with class and dignity.  And it is important to know that his first game as coach is a Thursday night ESPN game that ultimately would not have existed without the work that Coach Stoops put in.

Bear Down!  Go Cats!

I must be a genius!

I recently came across a book of "Mensa Sudokus" so I thought I'd give them a try.  I've always enjoyed logic puzzles and the recent sudoku craze really piqued my interest.  I gravitated naturally to the number puzzles and quickly became quite good at them, if I do say so myself.  So the idea of attempting "genius" level puzzles was quite intriguing.  The introduction in the book said the puzzles get progressively harder as you get towards the end, so I went straight for the very last puzzle in the book.  It took me less than 20 minutes to finish the puzzle.  I tried another one.  Same result.  These puzzles were way too easy.  I've played more difficult puzzles on my ipod app.  Yet, they were advertised as "Mensa" puzzles, which leads me to only one conclusion.  I must be a genius!

Now, I've been saying this for years, but no one seems to believe me, and I really didn't have any proof to support my claim.  But now I do!  No one can refute this now.  People should just be thankful that I'm not an evil genius.  Although, I'd have to admit, being an evil genius could be kind of fun.  Maybe I'll give it a shot.  So, with that, I'll sign off as I work on my plans to take over the world.  (insert evil laugh here)

More Haiku's

I realized I haven't posted anything in a while, but I can't think of anything worthwhile to post.  So I'll just write some more haiku's.  Enjoy!

I pity the fool
Who doesn't watch The A-Team
Insert theme music

Where are the nuggets?
Or is it popcorn chicken?
What's the difference?

Space Mountain is fun
Watch out for that last left turn
Time for a picture

Luke is a Jedi
Like his father before him
Solo is better

Talking DNA
That's how you make dinosaurs
Watch out for raptors

What's the all the fuss with 3D?!

I was watching TV the other day and I got very excited when a commercial came on announcing the re-release of The Lion King.  Then came the dreaded phrase, "In 3D".  Why must everything new be better in 3D?  And why must everything old be reimagined in 3D?  I don't understand the fuss.  Granted, some movies I have seen have been a lot of fun in 3D, Tron: Legacy, at the top of the list.  But The Lion King?!  What about the story of a lion cub's self discovery screams 3D?!  I'll tell you what it is; money and a lack of creativity.  I'm becoming more and more convinced that there are no more original ideas in Hollywood anymore.  Plus, movie studios know people will flock to the theater to see a beloved classic that has supposedly been improved by the enhancement of 3D.  Well, I'm not buying it!

Have people failed to realize that we live in a 3D world?!  I walk around all day long and I see things in 3D.  And I don't need special glasses to do it!  Who wants to sit at home watching TV with big glasses on to watch things pop out of the screen?  I already have to wear eyeglasses just to see things more clearly.  And if I want to see things pop out at me, I'll just walk outside.  Heck, a car came out of nowhere and almost ran me over today.  That most certainly was "in 3D" and it was scarier than any 3D movie I've ever seen.  3D used to be cool when it was rare, and starring Michael Jackson.  Yes, I'm referring to Captain EO.  But now I'm suffering from 3D overkill.  And we're getting dangerously close to seeing Gone With the Wind 3D.  That's a place I never want to see.  So don't believe the hype, people.  Remember, for every Tron 3D, there are five Final Destination sequels in 3D.

Ten Years Later

Ten years ago today our country and the world were shook by a terrible tragedy.  As I look back on that day, I think it is important to reflect, remember, and process what has happened over the past ten years. 

I remember that day as if it were yesterday, as I'm sure most people do.  The day started off as a typical Tuesday.  I was a student at the University of Arizona and I had four classes that day.  My normal routine was to get to campus early and go to a study room on the 3rd floor of the Student Union.  While getting some reading done before class, a friend of mine walked in and told me a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center.  My first thought was that it was a small commuter plane, and since my friend didn't have many more details, I shrugged off the incident and continued reading.  About 20 minutes later a TV was wheeled in and I got my first glimpse of what was really going on.  I couldn't believe it.  To this day I can't describe the emotions I felt.  It was a combination of shock, horror, fear, and grief.  To add to my emotional distress, I knew my parents were scheduled to fly home from Philadelphia to Los Angeles that day.  I couldn't get through to them.

I tried to make my day as normal as possible and continued to my classes.  My first class was American Literature, but there was no discussion about The Scarlet Letter that day.  Those who showed up tried to digest and process what was happening in our world.  It felt healthy to talk about it and share our emotions.  My next two classes were cancelled, and finally, around lunch time, I was able to get through to my family back east.  Everyone was OK.  I went to my last class of the day and again shared with my classmates.  It's hard to explain the bond that was created that day, but everyone shared a common experience, as tragic as it may have been, that helped connect us in a profound way.  I learned more about the people in my classes that day than I ever had in any other class I took. 

My roommate, Blake, and I also shared in our grief.  We didn't quite know what to do with ourselves that day.  We couldn't concentrate on school work.  There were no sports to take our mind off things.  We put ESPN on in an attempt to watch the coverage of the tragedy through a different lens.  And we started working on a jigsaw puzzle.  The puzzle was of two bears in a forest.  I still have it, and as a personal tribute, I will put it together again.

Ten years later, I am still in shock over what happened.  I still don't know what it means in the context of the greater world.  But what I do know is that it forever changed our world.  I don't have any words of wisdom to end this post with.  I don't have any profound advice to give.  All I have are memories and reflections, much like everybody else.  I remember those who lost their lives, I remember those who shared that day with me, and I try to live my life serving others, because you never know what kind of impact you may have on the world.

Never Forget 9/11/01

Fantasy Sports

I was watching Mike and Mike in the Morning the other day and Greeny brought up a topic about fantasy sports that I couldn't agree more with.  He was breaking down his fantasy football draft and with a chance to draft Tom Brady in the second round, he passed.  When asked to explain why, he stated that his allegiance to the Jets prevented him from drafting Brady.  How could he put someone on his fantasy team who he roots against every week.  And frankly, I applaud him for that decision.  I want to root for guys on my fantasy team to play well, and there are certain teams that I will never root for, so I will never be able to have players from those teams on my fantasy rosters.  As I drafted my fantasy football team this weekend, I had the chance to draft Miles Austin.  He put up some pretty good fantasy numbers in the past, but I couldn't do it.  I cannot justify putting any Cowboys, Giants, or Redskins on my team.  I constantly want those teams to fail so I can't root for certain players on those teams to do well just to help my fantasy team.  It goes against every belief in my body.  Am I sabotaging my fantasy teams with this strategy?  Perhaps, but I'd rather have my fantasy teams losing and my actual teams winning than the other way around.  My fantasy baseball teams are horrible this year.  Is it because I refused to draft any Braves, Marlins, and Mets?  Doubtful, but it certainly didn't help.  But the Phillies have the best record in baseball and that matters a heck of a lot more than fantasy domination.  So, thank you, Greeny, for coming out and publicly saying what I've been preaching for years. 

It's Gotta Be the Shoes!

Has anyone else noticed the extravagance and importance placed on footwear lately?  Shoes, nowadays come in all kinds of different sizes, shapes, colors, styles, and anything else you can think of.  People are expected to wear "nice" shoes to church, job interviews, weddings, etc.  But why?  So they can feel more accomplished, look more stylish, or appear more respected?  Perhaps.  Shoes are often reflective of class status.  That's why there was such a rash of theft among Air Jordans, because they were a status symbol more than anything else.  I recently saw a bunch of sorority girls walking in flip flops while carrying fancier high heeled shoes with them.  I can only assume they were going to put the heels on when they got to their house so they could show off how much more sophisticated they are as people.  It seems silly to me that you would wear certain shoes to get somewhere only to put on different shoes because they are supposedly "nicer".  Which leads me to the real question at hand.  Why are "nice" shoes so uncomfortable?  And why can't we wear comfortable shoes in all settings?

How many of us have complained at one point or another that our feet hurt?  I'm guessing almost everyone.  So why don't we make every effort possible to wear comfortable shoes?  I mean, we invented comfortable shoes for a reason.  We were tired of our feet hurting!  But yet, if I wear Nikes to work so I can be more comfortable at work, I'm looked down upon as unprofessional.  What does wanting my feet to not hurt have anything to do with my professionalism?!  If a sorority girl wants to wear flip flops to a chapter meeting she should be able to without being looked down upon.  It's not disrespectful, it's just looking out for your own personal well being. 

Tell me these aren't classy!

Now I know there are certain instances where appearance counts and you want to make a good impression.  But if you are being judged solely on your choice of footwear, there is something seriously wrong.  People should be allowed to wear comfortable shoes without fear of persecution.  It is our right as humans to take care of our bodies, especially our feet, which we use so prominently in our everyday lives.

What happened to the courtesy wave?!

I've been noticing a lot lately that people aren't giving a courtesy wave when appropriate.  For instance, when another driver lets you in a lane in heavy traffic, you should courtesy wave.  As a pedestrian, if a driver stops to let you cross the street, you should courtesy.  These are just a couple examples. 

Now, I realize that lifting your hand and giving a slight wave could be a bit strenuous.  I mean, you could have just come from the gym or maybe you just changed 100 light bulbs and your arms are really tired.  But suck it up, and give a little wave.  Or maybe someone put super glue on your steering wheel.  Then give a nod or something.  It's just polite and courteous and helps our society maintain a certain level of kindness. 

We have to acknowledge the smallest acts of kindness before they are completely absent from society.  So please, continue to give a courtesy wave, even if you're not sure it's necessary.  The world will thank you for it.

Haikus

How many of you have written a haiku recently?  How many of you answered that question out loud?  You realize I can't hear you, right?  That's cool, I probably would have done the same thing.  But back to haiku's.  They really are a lot of fun.  You should try it.  It's an easy way to have fun, kill some time, and express your personality.  I wrote a few just to show you how awesome it is. (Lani, you might want to check my math)

Leggo my Eggo
No, seriously, it's mine
Syrup makes life great

In Living Color
Fly Girls and Fire Marshall Bill
Homey don't play that

Root Beer rocks my world
Drops of heaven on my tongue
Mmmm, sarsaparilla

Hootie sings the songs
And the Blowfish play along
That's not their real names

Chickens in the road
Please stay on the other side
It's safer for you

Entrance Music

While sitting at a Dbacks game with a friend this past weekend, he posed an excellent question which got me to thinking.  He asked what my entrance music would be when I stepped up to bat.  I didn't immediately have an answer.  This is a tricky question because you want to pick a song that will make an impact on the audience and exude an aura of confidence and swagger that will also intimidate the opposing team.  Or you could just pick your favorite song.  But I don't think "Ain't no Mountain High Enough" is the right choice for stepping up to the plate.  So here is my top ten list (in no particular order) of songs I would consider for my entrance music.  Let me know what you think and what song you would choose.

1. "Regulate" by Warren G
2. "Turn this Mutha Out" by MC Hammer
3. "So Fresh, So Clean" by Outkast
4. "Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta" by Geto Boys
5. "Who Am I (What's my Name)?" by Snoop Dogg
6. "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan
7. "Rollin' With Kid and Play" by Kid 'n Play
8. "Ditty" by Paperboy
9. "No Sleep 'til Brooklyn" by The Beastie Boys
10. "I'm Bad", "Rock the Bells", or "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J

The Unaired Useless Facts Episode

So this week marks the first Friday of the school year.  Some may think I would be sad about that since I am no longer teaching.  I'm really not.  What I am sad about, though, is that this will be the first Friday in seven years in which an episode of Mr. Davi's Useless Facts of the Week doesn't air.  For some reason, this silly little show took on a life of its own and became one of the most popular segments of my school's announcements.  It even spawned two short films.  Now, honestly, I'm not sure if anyone else really cares that there will be no more useless facts, but I'd like to think they do. 

As I was compiling the episodes from the final season, I came across an episode we filmed at the Grand Canyon that never aired.  I shared the screen with a mule, and if you are thinking that I look a little nervous while standing next to the mule, I am.  Before we started filming he tried to take a bite of my elbow, so I was a little apprehensive about incorporating him into the fact.  But I think it turned out pretty well.  So, watch and enjoy.

I'm also including the Useless Facts Goes to Disneyland movie in case you haven't seen it.

Simple Pleasures

Life is full of simple pleasures.  I try to enjoy them any chance I get.  Recently, I've had a craving for a nice ham and cheese sandwich.  That might sound silly to some of you, but for me a good sandwich is incomparable.  In fact, back in college I used to stick to a very strict lunch routine in which I made sandwiches every Wednesday and Sunday.  That helped me appreciate how good my sandwiches really were.  Now, I make sandwiches fairly frequently.  In short, I love them.  Unfortunately, I have been out of cheese for about a week.  One other thing you should know about me is that I'm very particular about my cheese.  I need to have Tillamook cheddar for my sandwiches.  Finally, yesterday I made it to the store to get some.  So today, I'm making the biggest, tastiest sandwich ever for lunch!  It's amazing how the simplest little thing can help brighten your day.  I'm sure all of you have simple pleasures that you may take for granted.  I challenge you to embrace those pleasures and let them enhance your life.

Ode to the 90s

Here it is everybody, my poetic tribute to the 1990s.  It's not perfect, I know, but I wanted to get it posted and hopefully get some feedback.  Let me know what you think, good or bad.

Ode to the 90s

“Let me show ya something!”

Oh the 90s

How awesome you were

With music unparalleled

And fashion misunderstood

Remember watching Doug, Ren and Stimpy, and Rugrats

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot

I sure did like them a lot

Saved by the Bell was a big hit

But don’t forget about California Dreams

With the songs that they sing

And then there was Baywatch…

Enough said

Melrose Place

and 90210

Sure did bring the sleaze

Party of Five and X-Files

Made life a breeze

Friends and Seinfeld

Were good for some laughs

Don’t forget about Clarissa, Hey Dude, and All That

Could TV get any better?!

I really can’t fathom

But one thing I know is

TV in the 90s sure was ‘da bomb’

How about listening to your discman

Preventing the discs from all skipping

Mariah, Nirvana, 2pac, and Biggie

 “Come as you are”

Because it’s “Nuthin’ but a ‘G’ Thing”

We all rocked out to BBD and that New Jack Swing

It’s a “Doggy dogg world”

So “Jump Around”

Bust out some Pearl Jam and Metallica for good measure

Feel those “Good Vibrations”

Because life was Sublime

Even Britney and N’Sync couldn’t ruin ‘99

And “Now that we found love”

“All I wanna do” is have some fun

Music of the 90s made people feel happy

It kept people singing, laughing, and dancing

Cell phones were still huge

And couldn’t fit in your pocket

So you carried a beeper

And used numerical codes

Parachute pants, Starter jackets, baggy jeans

Oh how the fashion trends sure have changed

Break out your pogs and Power Ranger toys

And wear your slap bracelets, too

'Cuz if you don’t you’re just not cool

The fads of the 90s were really quite strange

Like flannel in the summer to be like Cobain

Movies were more than just superheroes and sequels

Before Michael Bay “transformed” Shia Laboeuf

He turned Will Smith and Martin Lawrence into Bad Boys

Forrest Gump showed us all that,

“Life is like a box of chocolates”

While Austin Powers came and took the movie world by storm

Pulp Fiction was awesome

Blair Witch was a scare

There’s Something About Mary

Provided new gel for your hair

Overall in the 90s

Movies sure were a blast

Independence Day, Boogie Nights, even The Mask

I could go on for days

Singing my praises

But one thing’s for sure

The 90s sure were amazin’

They were simpler times

Without Facebook or Myspace

No texting, IMing

We talked face to face

Oh how I wish I could go back in time

'Cuz the 90s are one decade I miss

If you agree with my thoughts, then join me in saying

I give the 90s, “Two snaps up, a twist, and a kiss!”

Game Show Ecstasy

Has anyone else noticed how stupidly excited people get when they win on game shows?  I mean, I understand that it is probably an exciting experience and believe me, it's something I would love to experience.  But some of the reactions I see just seem way over the top.  I guess if you win a million dollars you have the right to act however you want.  But if you win a steam shower on The Price is Right, try to temper your enthusiasm a little.  What exactly are you going to do with a steam shower anyway?  What even is a steam shower?  I can't foresee myself going that insane over winning something that I wouldn't even know what to do with.  But maybe it's simply the idea of winning that makes people go crazy.  It doesn't matter what they win, just that they won.  Winning is awesome.  And we live in a society that emphasizes winning.  As much as we want to say that winning isn't always important, it's how you play the game, we all know that simply isn't true.  People love winning.  People love winning so much, they don't even care what they win.  Even if it's a boat, a motorcycle, an ipod shuffle, or the Deal or No Deal Home Edition.  We feel special when we win and apparently most people have a hard time controlling their emotions when it happens.  I hope one day I have the opportunity to be on a game show and experience the winning that comes along with it, just to see how I might react.  Although, I can't seem to figure out how to actually get on a game show.  Where do you apply?  How do they find these people?  If anyone knows please let me know.  But for now, consider yourself a winner for reading this post.  So go crazy, right now.  Ok, that's enough.  We'll be right back after these commercial messages.

America's Sports Pastimes

Many of you know that I am a huge baseball fan, and I will defend the sport until the day I die.  Unfortunately, I am often in the minority when it comes to my passion for baseball.  Apparently, America's pastime has switched to football.  While I am not a football hater, I do not share the same passion and excitement over the sport as others do.  But I believe that there are many others out there who love baseball as much as I do, and I think I know the reasons why football has passed baseball on the pastime-meter.

I do have to applaud football for positioning itself in the minds of Americans as the end all and be all of American sports.  They have done an excellent marketing job.  And football does have one thing going for it that baseball can't compete with.  They only play games once a week, on a day when most people are off work.  Therefore, football is inherently a more social sport.  People get together for parties, bbq's, tailgates, etc., once a week to watch football.  People schedule their plans around football games.  Baseball plays games every day, so if you miss one, you can always watch again tomorrow.  And people are less likely to organize baseball watching parties.  It just doesn't have the same TV appeal.  I hear most people say they can only watch baseball live.  I can appreciate that, and I've seen a lot of packed stadiums that support that claim.  Also, the football season is shorter and the outcome of one game means more than it does in baseball.  Therefore, people hang on the outcomes of game more intensely while watching football than baseball.  Finally, fantasy football has taken on a life of its own.  I play fantasy football, mostly because it helps keep me interested in games.  But for many people, fantasy football is huge time-consuming endeavor.  With the advent of keeper leagues, live drafts, etc., fantasy football has driven the media to attempt to keep up with the craze.  NFL Tonight airs year round, the only sports specific show on ESPN to do so.  Why is that?  Fantasy leagues, of course.  People want to know about their fantasy players.  One bad week, one bad draft in a fantasy football league can destroy your chances at winning.  Whereas, the stakes for fantasy baseball aren't nearly as drastic.  Although, I would like to point out right here that the fantasy sports revolution did begin with a fantasy baseball league. 

So, what does this all mean?  Nothing really, except that football has done a better job marketing itself than baseball.  Football is perceived as being more popular because they get bigger crowds and better TV ratings.  But that's all relative.  Football stadiums are bigger than baseball stadiums, so the per game averages will always be bigger.  Football games are only played once a week so everybody watches on that one day, as opposed to baseball where people can watch on any given day.  So looking at TV ratings is meaningless.  The bottom line is people will like what they like and watch what they watch.  And I will continue to get mad at ESPN for their obsessive amount of football coverage, even though I fully understand why they do it.  They think it's what people want, and most people think it's what they want to see as well.  So I will continue to live in my baseball obsessed world, and be a casual football watcher.  Go Phillies!  And Go Eagles!

We All Want Answers

I know it has been awhile since my last post, but I've been out of town.  I'll try to make up for it.

As I was leaving Barnes and Noble this afternoon, I noticed a book titled The Big Book of Answers.  My immediate response was, "Somebody stole my idea!"  You see back in high school I had the great idea of composing a book full of answers for people to reference.  It would even come in a pocket sized version so people could always keep it with them and never be lacking for an answer.  Now, granted, the answers you choose to give might not always be right, or even relevant, but at least you would always have an answer.  And let's face it, if you say something with enough confidence everybody will believe you.  I still think the book would be a great idea, but it appeared that someone else did as well.  So I fought past my anger, picked up the book at B&N, and looked inside.  And much to my relief, it was not like the book I had envisioned.  This book had specific questions that it attempted to answer, which defeats the purpose of my book entirely.  I want to create a book full of random answers that can be used universally for a wide array of questions.  This book apparently wants to answers questions which the author thinks people are interested in.  So for now, my idea is safe.  I just need to find someone else to buy into it.

Harry Potter vs Star Wars

I've seen many posts this week about Harry Potter and the final movie being released in the theaters.  Understandably, many people are sad because this is it.  No more books, no more movies, nothing.  As a huge Star Wars fan, I can relate.  When Episode III was released and I knew this was the end, I was sad.  There weren't going to be any more Star Wars movies to see in the theaters.  What was I going to do with myself knowing they would never come.  At least before Episode I was announced there was the hope that they might make more.  But now, there was no more hope, just the end.  I can only imagine this must be what Harry Potter fans are going through.  But I can attest, the obsession doesn't stop just because the movies did.  I still watch every time any Star Wars movie is on TV, and I still question every little detail and find new things to appreciate.  In fact, my latest Star Wars kick is watching Chewie for his impeccable comedic timing.  He's hilarious and I never realized that as a kid.  So for all you Harry Potterites out there, don't fret.  Stay obsessed, stay passionate, and know that the movies and books will always be there and you will continue to find new and exciting ways to appreciate them.

Store Layouts

I've gone into multiple stores over the past two weeks only to be faced with the jarring realization that the layout has been changed.  Now, I don't know how other people feel about this, but I have a difficult time when people mess with my comfort zone.  I am a man of routine and when my routine is messed with I get flustered.  It took me 15 minutes to find the chips in Costco!  It took me 10 minutes to find shoelaces in Target!  I felt so lost.  I think stores should be more considerate to those of us with selective OCD and offer store maps when their layouts change.  Of course, I also think all stores should offer free bread to shoppers, so I'm fully aware of how unfeasible many of my suggestions are.  I would just appreciate it if stores kept things in the same place so I could find them easier.  I don't think that's too much to ask.

Avoiding Roadkill

As I made the drive from Tucson to Phoenix twice over the past few days, I noticed quite a bit of roadkill on the road (I guess that's where people normally notice roadkill, but I couldn't find a better phrase).  I also narrowly avoided, or at least I hope I narrowly avoided, creating my own roadkill by swerving to avoid hitting a rabbit.  And it got me thinking of the many stories I've heard from friends and family about their narrow misses, or sometimes hits, of animals on the road.  I get the impression that many people become emotionally distraught when they hit an animal on the road.  Yet, these same people seem to have no issue throwing friends or family under the bus, metaphorically of course, to get ahead in life.  Why is it that killing a small animal while driving is so devastating to us, but destroying another's reputation or lying about one's actions brings about no emotional response whatsoever?  I mean, honestly, there are plenty of rabbits and squirrels and even coyotes to go around, so accidentally killing one shouldn't be that big of a deal.  But each person on this earth is such an individual that we should feel more when we hurt one another.  Yet we don't.  Why?  I think that's something we need to explore within ourselves.  It's time to start treating other people with the same respect that we give animals in the road, and start trying to avoid running them over.

Why is everybody in such a hurry?

I've noticed over the past few years that people seem to be in much more of a hurry to get places.  Where are they going?  Do they know something I don't know?  Is there this awesome store at the mall that is going to explode if they don't get there by a certain time?  I can't figure it out.  Sometimes, as I see people speeding by me or cutting me off, I check to see if maybe I'm zoning off and driving like an old man (no offense to old men), but most often I am driving either at or above the speed limit.  Does the threat of a speeding ticket, especially in a construction zone, not scare these people, because it sure as hell scares me.  I don't want to waste my money on speeding tickets.  Besides, I still can't figure out what I would be speeding to get to.  If I'm running late, then it's my fault.  I should have left earlier instead of racing through the streets.

I can't imagine humans in pre-modern civilizations having such a pre-occupation with time and rushing to get everywhere.  I mean, the sun came up, they hunted and gathered.  The sun went down, they slept.  Seems pretty simple.  I think we need to reflect back to those simpler times and slow down a little.  The world is not going to end if you get to the grocery store five minutes later.  Well, it won't end this year, but ask me again next year.

The Twilight Zone vs Reality TV

So I've watched a few episodes of The Twilight Zone over the past few days and I've gained a new appreciation for how great a TV show it is.  It is so cleverly written and the themes are so thought-provoking and original.  I'm adding Rod Serling to my list of people I would like to have lunch with if I could have lunch with anybody from history.  I even started thinking how cool it would be to bring the show back to television in today's time.

Then, I thought about that more and realized it would never work.  One of the greatest aspects of The Twilight Zone was its subtlety.  There's nothing subtle about TV these days, especially with reality TV.  I'm still not entirely sure what is so real about reality TV anyway.  Is it the fake fights and arguments that are staged by the producers?  Or maybe it's the over the top reactions to every little thing by the actors?  I'm just not buying any of it.  But for some reason I can believe that a traveler from 1847 can go over the top of a ridge and end up in 1961 so he can get medicine for his dying son who will grow up to be a famous doctor.  Now, that's good television.  I can't imagine Snookie getting away with that one.

Movie Theater Etiquette

So, I'm sitting in the movie theater today and the person behind me keeps kicking my chair.  I wondered to myself, "Is it that difficult to keep from kicking the chair in front of you?  Have I been sitting here kicking the chair in front of me repeatedly?"  The answer to both is a resounding NO!  People, seriously, it's not hard to not kick a chair.  And it's just disrespectful to continue to do so. 

But what really gets me is when I gave the frustrated look behind, the person got mad at me as if I was the one doing something wrong.  You can't get mad at me for looking at you angrily after you've been kicking my chair nonstop.  That's like when people stop their carts in the middle of the grocery aisle suddenly and then get mad at you for running into them.  If you don't want to get run into, don't stop randomly in the middle of the aisle.  If you don't want to get an angry look in the movie theater, don't kick the chair in front of you.  C'mon people, it's not hard.

Thank you very much.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog!  I've decided to entertain the world by writing this blog and hopefully you will be amused by some of life's little idiosyncracies.  Please bear with me as I make my first foray into the world of blogging, as I'm sure there will be some bumps in the road.  But I look forward to the adventure and the challenge of trying to be funny and smart on the internet.  So, enjoy!